Wednesday, August 15, 2012

From the "more exciting news" Department:

JCR's (Joint Commission Resources) - Hospital Engagement Network (HEN) is part of the Partnership for Patients program sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The goal of the program is to provide better care at lower costs. 

Further proof, that I don't need to imagine great stuff to write about.

You Need a HEN

Conditions you acquire
When you're sick,
In our modern health-care vision
Just won't click,
Instead, you need a HEN
And let her lay,
Hatch a couple eggs
And save the day.

Hot solutions are
Quite often screwy,
But you need an acronym
Like good chop suey,
Especially, when you
Call your group a HEN,
Hospital engagement
Network; so cayenne.

The latest hot topic revolves around CAUTI: Catheter Associated Urinary Tract Infections.

Over here at Sister Euphemia's joint, we have an exciting program identified as: "Don't Put It In - Take It Out". Naturally, you can understand why my imagination went wild, when I saw the flier for that. After all, was this a directive from Planned Parenthood, or some whacky motto associated with one of those Bushy abstinence programs? Who knows, but probably not. Perhaps it's just about the catheter.

Don't Put It In

Don't put it in
Take it out,
It's a Dignity motto
Give a shout!

Don't drain that bladder
Let it drizzle,
Urine on the skin
Soon will sizzle.

Tell me how to fix that
Won't you, please,
Take it out, they'll leak
Each time they sneeze.

Don't put it in
My momma said,
Especially when
You're dating Uncle Fred.

They tell us not to use it
Never more,
Though I agree
It's always such a chore,
But if we do not place it
That's the crux,
The only good solution?
Pee on chux.

Oh sure, there's always
Rounding on the hour,
We're just sitting at the desk
And grinding flour,
Because the EMR
Has finally ended charting,
We can deal with
All the bladders and the farting.

Take it out, oh, take it out
My momma yells,
You left it in too long
And now it smells,
A bio-film has coated
All the tube,
And now the urine looks like broth
From bouillon cube.


Thursday, August 09, 2012

We were supposed to start work at 10:30am today, but the Charge nurse figured that the day would be short (fewer patients than anticipated), so why not try to close early. Ok, fine, but the truth is, it's easier to let us work the regular time, just in case the shift runs we don't incur overtime.

Sure enough, all the unexpected things like transfers, late Caths, emergencies, and then the last patient bled on their test ambulation. So now, we'll both be here at least two hours over. Tough break, boss.

Why So Late

In case you wondered
Why so late,
Two home discharges
After eight,
One Kaiser transfer
Cathed at ten,
And the last
Home discharge,
Like a pen;
At 22:15
We had to wait
For an hour,
To see if she could depart
Under her own power.

Story to be continued?
I don't know,
But sooner or later
Home we'll go.