Saturday, June 30, 2012

We've been working hard and fast lately at work. Night after night, putting in 12 - 14 hours. It's a super overloaded program, for those with Heart Disease. Apparently, we are not winning that "war" yet. And it surely won't happen, until people take charge of their health habits. Heck, I'm not complaining, it's job security............if I can survive the stress, that is.

Yesterday I had a 49 year old (that's young these days, remember?) nasty patient, father of two wonderful and intelligent daughters (13 & 17). He had a minor stroke last year, a single coronary stent 6 years ago, and he can still work. Of course, he has really good reasons why he is perpetually angry and why he can keep smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. He wore his victim badge, proud and strong. And he treated his children like any nasty parent does. His berating, putting-down, demanding, petty reprimands, continued all day long.

Now get this, he has some idiotic tradition, that when he has completed some "life-saving" procedure like a Heart Cath, or whatever, he wants a juicy hamburger, fries, pumpkin pie and Pepsi. I am not making this up. During his procedure, his sweet daughters went down the street where the best hamburger place is, across from the Russian doctor (just telling his daughter how to get there, was a lesson in parental nastiness, for sure) and they should have it ready when he came back.

Of course, the moment he had gotten back from the Heart Cath at 8:30 pm, he immediately demanded that I give him some food.........and proceeded to work himself into a vein popping, red-faced fit, because we no longer had any food around. His daughters brought him a good looking hamburger, thick home fries and an apple pie." What? Didn't I tell you to bring me a pumpkin pie"? "Just throw that pie away; you heard me, throw it away!"

Folks, this is why Nurses don't carry guns at work. Although some of us might need one, when we're in the parking-garage at midnight: the odds are, we would be thinning the ranks of our patient population, such that it might get the attention of Risk Management. Rules?!?! What can you do?

King Cobra

Evil moods
From this nasty man,
Make everyone suffer
That's his plan,
He's afraid to die
And too angry to live,
Two daughters need love
He has none to give.

He's angry with the hospital
He hates all the waiting,
Talking with his daughters
He's mostly berating,
Demanding their attention
"Why didn't you listen to me?"
I wanted to offer them shelter
From his toxicity.

A 49 year old cesspool
Telling me, that he's a victim,
Yes you are, sir
I won't contradict him,
A victim of his own evil
That permeates his soul,
His tentacles entrap his family
Sucking them into his hole.

Two beautiful daughters
And he treats them like dirt,
He throws off their love
Like an unwanted shirt,
They need parental emancipation
I mentioned that to him,
But he's deaf, dumb and blind;
His kids are just a phantom limb.

So touching, that he apologized
For his moods and behavior,
Falsified worthwhile excuses
Telling me I was his savior,
For sticking around
Putting up with his crap,
If I had a King Cobra
I would have dropped it in his lap.


Saturday, June 09, 2012

Dental Dana 1

Dental Dana

Dental Dana
She has the touch,
The way she pokes my gums
Is just, too much,
In fact, I'm willing
To endure that pain,
Because her strokes are better
Than Novocaine.

Dental Dana
Can handle my condition,
She knows just what to do
To conquer inhibition,
Whether flossing or polishing
Or scraping on my teeth,
No matter what's on the surface
She knows what lies beneath.

She manipulates her tools
And rinses my gums,
There is no idle chatter
Like the rest of her chums,
And when she turns on the vacuum
To suck up my spit,
Lordy, I get a rush
I don't want her to quit.

That darling Dental Dana
She's the one for me,
Do you think if I propose
I can have dental care for free?


Dental Dana II

Dental Dana
Didn't do me
The last time I was there,
Was she embarrassed
With my writings
Or maybe she don't care,
Too much about my feelings
She only loves my gums,
She probably knows
That when I see her,
I envision
Juicy wild plums.

Dental Dana, what a delight
She brings pleasure, where once was affliction,
I wonder if she will do house calls
And satisfy my Dental addiction.


Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Hot off the presses at Medscape:

May 29, 2012 — Exercise or physical therapy, along with vitamin D supplementation, are the best medicine for fall prevention among older adults, according to a report by the US Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF). The new clinical guideline was published online May 28 in the Annals of Internal Medicine.


In the hospital
We could easily prevent falls
If we secured everyone in bed,
No more busted hips
Fractured elbows
Or dented heads,


We could float them all in water
They couldn't fall, nor harm their skin,
If only I could patent this
I'd be more famous
Than Wilhelm Karl Grimm.


Sunday, June 03, 2012

Never Say Dye

I went into the hospital
To have my vessels scraped,
I reacted to the dye, and now
My kidneys have been raped,
I admit, the doctor warned me
About some complication,
But he minimized the maximum
And now I've lost my urination.

The Renal kidneyologists
Are studying my case,
I haven't peed for seven days
And I'm turning yellow in the face,
There's talk about a catheter
They could place into a vein,
To suck out all the poisons
And sudsydize my brain,
But frankly, I'll be honest
I don't trust this deadly trick,
So, I'm checking out tomorrow
Because I'm safer being sick.