Tuesday, May 22, 2012

At work we have a myriad of cabinets, but really, not enough. Several cabinets full of bins, where Central Supply personnel are supposed to keep us stocked with all the disposable stuff that we need. 

For a few weeks, we have been running out of supplies over and over, and we just couldn’t figure it out. The Tech would come by, use his barcode reader on the supply bins, and leave. It turns out, the labels on the bins had barcodes, but the device had been programmed to something entirely different, and thus, we were not resupplied at all. They were probably happy down in the Supply department, because we required fewer deliveries. I suspect a conspiracy of cost-cutting measures going on.

Bed Sheets and Pencils

We ain't got nothin'
Of anything today,
No decent supplies
For a comfortable stay,
No linens in the closet
No bed sheets on the gurneys,
God forbid, let’s do no procedures
On the slip-and-fall Attorneys.

The pens and the pencils
The erasers and the papers,
If this goes on much longer
We will all be sniffing the vapors,
And speaking of relief
Our food and water has been removed,
Just who is running this shop?
Who allowed all of this to be approved?

Well, I’m not worried
We have a new building going up,
We are led to believe
It’s going to be one sweet cup,
Overflowing with amenities
Flowers and pictures
And walls painted with stencils,
And we’ll still be short on linen
Papers and erasers
Bed sheets and pencils.


Friday, May 18, 2012

A meddling mid-manager dropped in the other day, and informed us that we couldn't keep any personal beverages (water) or snacks. Some rule /law/regulation, disallows hospital personnel from having edibles in a patient care area. I did have a few carefully chosen words which I expressed, but it only produced some chest-thumping animosity, from mini-boss....................

Angel Cake

Dear Allison, I beseech you
I need to take a break,
My manager is on vacation
And I thought of you, my angel cake,
After all, 'twas you that mentioned
That my manager was my source,
To call for the need to take a break
Thus, you're the closest horse,
To pull the cart, to win the race
When I'm at the stable resting,
You were the one who suggested this
Surely, you weren't jesting?

Dear Allison, I am wondering
Has our relationship become jaded?
The last time I bumped into you
You flashed a smile, and then it faded,
Perhaps my uppity comment
Regarding food and drink at work,
Reminded you that truthfully
I'm just an elderly nursing jerk.

Dear Allison, I implore you
I know you have a sweeter side,
If we had never crossed these paths
I think you could have been my bride,
With your ever winning smile and humor
Your relaxed and soothing demeanor,
Now, every time you see me
You're probably thinking, "what a weiner".

Thank God, you're not my manager
It's just too bad that we are peers,
But if this was two thousand years ago
We would talk with swords and spears,
Those days of good old sportsmanship
Are long past, but not forgotten,
So keep away from our cupboard, dear
Even if it's smelling rotten.


Friday, May 11, 2012

I went to a pretty interesting Cardiology seminar last week. But.......(there's always a but, it seems), when it was time for the "Nursing" perspective talk, it was a sleeper. I've made it a habit to obtain my license-required Continuing Education hours, by going to seminars that are targeted to doctors, because in general, nursing education is a bore. I'm interested in science, not "Creating Person-Centered Care through the Five Core Principle", or, “Fostering and Sustaining Family Involvement “. And anything pertaining to “empowerment”, I would surely avoid, along with “nursing leadership and management”, too.

Nursing is a tough business, so why in the heck are those educators, trying to put everybody to sleep at their seminars? Here's a winner: “A Closer Look at Practice Guidelines: A Focus on Evidence”. As you may have figured out already (if you've been a reader at this blog), I'm a bit stymied with all of this emphasis on “evidenced-based practice”. It makes me feel like we want to bring attention to the fact, that for all the years previous, we were just doing our Nursing stuff on some arbitrary whim. Well sure, maybe we were, but why advertise that to the world? It's like were saying, “we were idiots before, but now we're smarter”.

So there I am, with my longest-knowing nursing pal, trying to keep up with the latest in Interventional Cardiology, and now it's 2 hours post-lunch, and a “nursing practice” topic is presented; Time to press the snooze alarm!


Not dynamic
Not exciting,
Like fishing, when
The fish aren't biting,
Coffee can not
Conquer this war,
I surrender
It's a crashing bore.

I think our presenter
Read from a guide,
A preprinted syllabus
All the words are supplied,
And delivered in a manner
Without vocal inflection,
And for the fee that I paid
This doesn't pass inspection.

I suspect it's just filler
For the late afternoon,
But if it goes on much longer
The audience will swoon.


Thursday, May 03, 2012

Now, just about every nurse in this big old country of ours, has been subjected to the pain and sorrow, of migrating to an Electronic Medical Documentation model or system. Please, don't think of me as some kind of Luddite, a person that abhors change and keeping up with technological change............no, I'm not that. But not one of you who has been encumbered by this digitalized record, can admit completely smooth sailing. After all, in the past our paper charting didn't “crash”; did it?

So when a big hospital system like ours, decides to do some kind of “upgrade”, well then, it involves a colossal hassle for all participants. There is the whole, charting on “down-time” forms, and more. Like how we are supposed to chart on paper when the computer is down, and then transfer all that stuff back to the computer, three hours from now. Come on! Get real! This is where imaginary vital signs find a place to seed and go forth.

Here, at a “we-use-Cerner” hospital, we have identified our “super-duper-users” as Red-Shirts. This group of advisers, releases a “Tips and Tricks” document, to guide us through the horrors of computer-downtime-upgrades. Look, that alone gives me nightmares, and really, which one of us busy-bee workers has time to slog through all that handy, not so-helpful literature, when, if we don't get our butts in gear, we'll be behind for the rest of the day. In my opinion (and I'm full of them), “Tips and Tricks” handouts, are best ingested, out on the veranda during the Siesta (of which, we never have time for).


Downtime, is like summertime
Just take it easy,
All the fuss and falderal
Is overdone and cheezy,
Who, really has the time
To read the tips and tricks?
When we're sipping Frappaccino's
Down by Highway Sixty-Six


Thanks to my pals over at MSJMC........your note was very heartwarming.

_ _ _ _ _

Also, more.........

Redundant Reentry

Oh sure, the E.M.R.
Has made work.........a piece of cake,
While paper documentation
Makes us shudder and shake,
But, only because a computer collapse
Forces our data upon paper,
Then later, we must re-chart it all
In this redundant, reentry caper.