Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Back on April 19, I wrote about how our ICU was to be designated as the "go-to" Acute Neuro Unit. I know these things are decided up in lofty offices, and the community at large will benefit, but this addition of yet one more service under our belt, has caused a lot of anxiety and discontent amongst the nursing staff. There have been a number of classes and on-line educations available, and the "official" starting date, was August 1st. I've gone to those classes, and here is my take-away:

Neuro Class

Locked-in State
That's how I feel,
Becoming a Neuro-nurse
Makes me want to squeal;

My reticular activation
Is clearly in doubt,
Psychogenic unresponsiveness
Is my way out.

Nuchal rigidity
That's Viagra of the neck,
Who took the fun out of fundoscopy
Oh my, I'm a nervous wreck,
Then, there is “gaze preference”
Like when I'm lunching at O'Grady's,
My eyes are roaming the room
Looking at all of the ladies,
While Uncle Herniation, snickers in the corner
I'm checking his accomodation,
He has pathological reflexes
And a sociopathic fixation.

They're giving Imhotep
A dose of Nimotop,
Buried alive and resurrected two times
His headache, just won't stop,
It's a neurological emergency
Mummification, just didn't suit him,
Probably the only recourse we have
Is to take him out back, and just shoot him.

What the two of those are
I don't know, I'm under duress,
Global position system, and
Glascow coma scale,
Search and seizure, I'd rather avoid
The thrill of it is beginning to pale

So, Monster Jobs
Is calling to me,
My motor activity
Will set me free,
Jump in my car
Put my foot to the floor,
Take a look at my “run sheet”
As I'm racing out the door.


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