Monday, January 17, 2011

Just a little thing about the whole "scripting and rounding" concept, again.

Nurse Clone

After twelve hours
Of scripting and rounding,
Good golly, Miss Molly
I've taken a pounding;

After the four P's
And everyone's Aidet,
Yesiree, Bob
I know I've surely made it;

With scripting and rounding
We're of a similar tone,
Just like Stepford Wives
I'm your favorite nurse clone;

And at the end of my shift
I'll up-sell the next nurse,
Even when I know
His reputation is a curse.


Friday, January 14, 2011

Just a little reminder; don't eat the hospital food and don't drink the water.


The average hospital sink
Is not an ideal place to drink,
All the germs and the fungus
Are shared there among us,
So the thought of a drink there, doth stink.

The average hospital meal
Is rarely an appetizing good deal,
The meat is long dead
And there's mold on the bread,
Even if I were a pig, I would squeal.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a guy who was fixated on his bowel function, and how crazy he was regarding that problem. This is just a short sequel.

What A Bother

I don’t need to know about
Your bowel habits, sir,
I don’t need the circumstance
The when, the why, the were,
And no one else, includes
Your children, wife and father,
No one wants to hear about
Your bowels, what a bother.

When you were working your career
An executive, is what I heard,
You must have been the Type-A kind
An obsessive-compulsive bird,
Controlling all of the company crap
And snooping in personal files,
You're retired now, to constipation
With painful, itchy piles.

Now top it off, you’re infected
We call it “contact isolation”,
Every trip into your room, sir
Is like a third-world destination,
Please roll over now, it’s time
For your daily disimpaction,
With smiles around we cater-up
To earn your patient satisfaction.


Friday, January 07, 2011

I am quite impressed with two articles in the October and November issues of "National Nurse" the Voice of National Nurses United. The two articles addressed that ridiculous "Scripting and Rounding" that has been shoved down the throats of nurses nationwide, by hospital administrators. If you are uncertain what I am talking about go to the following link:

I have been writing about this crap for a couple of years lately, but I am only becoming further incensed with this nonsense. So I'm starting off the New Year with my latest rant:


We're threatened with HIPPA violations
We're laden with boatloads of rules,
I'm the nurse for two 500 pound patients, and
Administration is stealing our tools.

They disbanded the guys on the lift-teams
A cost effective measure they claim,
Now daily they're stealing our break-nurse
High-census, low-staffing they blame.

Administrators attacking any overtime
That occurs daily in every ICU,
I'd wager, that not one of those bosses
Could accomplish, even half, that we do.

Don't write any incriminating emails
Don't post on any internet sites,
If you do you'll be sued and delicensed
And denied every one of your rights.

With scripting and rounding we're programmed
By the little tin soldiers upstairs,
The hell with our critical thinking
It's driven by money, who cares?,
The Medicare-Medicaid gorilla
Threatens hospitals with financial extortion,
No longer are outcomes important
The scales shift to the satisfaction proportion.

Pushed to the edge of the precipice
Perhaps it's time for the young to step in,
They are faster than me on the computer
And not tainted as I am with sin,
Their bullshit intolerance capacitors
Are so new, they're just out of the box,
We old veterans should hang up our gloves
And send the bosses our sweaty old socks.