Friday, January 29, 2010

I was out of work for 3 weeks because of some alien organism that seems to have taken up residence in my right throat and ear canal. It's still there, but I've gone back to work. A lot happened at work during my missing weeks. Our "Cardiac Care Unit", has morphed into the Medical Cardiac ICU. Now I'm really more than glad that I work night shift, because most of those surgeries are recovered on Day-shift. That's right, and we stlll get paid more on the night shift. Talk about hidden benefits!

Anyway, going back to work after the unit has been broken-in a bit, has revealed new topics of business that I can write about, so I hope you enjoy this new journey.

Here again, I address a big topic; bariatrics. It's just a ruse. It's really about corporate spending on big projects, and the end-user impact.

Slalom Sleds

These hot new Bariatric beds
Are like super mondo slalom sleds,
We pull the patients up Q1 hour
They slide right down under gravity power.

The hydraulics seem a little weak
I'll explain it now, just let me speak,
When we lower the bed, head-down under feet
It's easy to reposition, all slick and neat,
But to return the head, upright beyond 30
We strain our backs, lifting down and dirty,
By physically hoisting the head of the bed
Another “safety” device, liable to make me dead.

These are new tech beds for the super heavies
Supposedly better than Sacramento levies,
Holding back the 100 year flood
But I'm not sure about Billybob's bud,
He weighed in at 225 kilo's
And we weren't even weighing the pillows,
On beds that are rated to 500 pounds
We're approaching that number in leaps and bounds.
Beds with all the bells and whistles
Not suitable for an ICBM missile.

The beds can rotate side to side
It's really quite a pleasant ride,
But here again, this weight thing irks
If you're really heavy, it barely jerks,
There's a tendency for big boy Jimmy
To get stuck on one side while the bed just shimmies,
Wiggles and strains, to pump air through the bellows
I wonder, “where is the lift team, I really need those fellows?”

There are lifts on the ceiling, with slings down below
When Jimmy's feeling better, we can swing him real slow,
Into the chair by the window to improve his outlook on life
Then the bed will be vacant, for his long suffering wife,
Her kilo's are many, her cankles are like stumps
I'm praying to Euphemia, “Dear Sister, bless these chumps”
Don't let either the one of them, have a cardiac arrest
Our defibrillators aren't prepared for that test.

We've got negative airflow, isolation rooms
And those lifts on the ceiling, on super-strong booms,
But honestly, I'm wary about the safety of it all
Bad things happen, when big people fall,
Caregivers damaged, lawsuits are brewing
When the dust has all settled, corporate is screwing,
Around with the numbers, statistics and more
The science of big, is a titanic chore.

Please, don't misinterpret my harangue on what's big
It's really an expose on the bureaucratic jig,
Million-dollar decisions, from dubious advice
High cost vendor contracts at an unbelievable price,
End-users suffer, at the whim of corporate decisions
Are Workmans' Comp injuries, in the provision?

This light-hearted muse, ended heavy and dark
But the business of healthcare, is no walk in the park.


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