Friday, June 26, 2009

My co-contributor in Virginia has sent another riveting story of his Nursing life; enjoy!

Life on Neuro Unit

The patients were all quiet,
The night was quite slow.
'Til this guy with a stroke
Complained of gout in his toe.

He asked for some morphine,
So like a good nurse.
I drew up the max,
And said “thanks”, when he’d curse.

I pushed it in quickly
So it would act really fast.
I’d just give him another
When that didn’t last.

But, things don’t always work
The way they are planned.
He saw bugs on the wall
In dinosaur land.

He stood in his bed
And in some Shakespearian verse,
Screamed “I’m Dorothy, you wicked witch of the East”
And then pee’d on his nurse.

And with all the excitement,
Sir Dorothy’s pressure did soar.
And with one pirouette
He was flat on the floor.

Well, he wasn’t really hurt
When he fell from that bed.
Except maybe that subdural
He got in his head.

And the coumadin didn’t help none
As he took all those knocks.
Nor did the Aspirin,
Least of all, Lovenox.

Now I’m writing the report
Doing all the explaining.
While “Dorothy” pushes up daisies
And does no complaining.

S. H.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

People experience grief in different ways.

Shades of Grief

Different ways to
Experience grief,
Some strike out in anger
Others cry for relief,
Some choose innebriation
By smoke, booze or pill,
One man's poisonous elixir
Is another man's swill.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Back on May 28th, I wrote about the "boxes and arrows", referring to a "what's new" document on the bathroom wall, with some kind of nifty flowchart, in this case, regarding pressure ulcers.

Now,(in my opinion) it's time to take it down, and show us something new, because of course, we are monsters for continuous learning!

Show Us The Way

What with boxes and arrows
And asterisked notes,
I'm sure we'll be influenced
To offer our votes
With a highdy-hy-ho
We'll all dance to the tune,
While the Stage 3's and 4's
Will heal up real soon.

We'll be featured in "People"
"Cosmo" and "Us",
Oprah will invite
And we'll get on her bus,
Dr. Phil will offer
A warm and groovy kudo,
But frankly, I'm thinking
He is full of menudo.

Now, those boxes and arrows
Will soon be replaced,
This idea is old
And can now be erased,
But don't you be worried
Something new will be in play,
Another flow-charted document
To show us the way.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Nursing, is a weird industry, in terms of how we relate to each other. In what other career/job, do workers "write up" each other? This means, that when a co-worker makes some kind of mistake (according to me), or perhaps, throws off some kind of attitude that I don't like, I can write them up. As a nurse of 26 years (yowza), I have never performed this writing-up thing. Probably somebody has done it to me, although I don't remember, but I'd like it to be known right now, that it isn't a good idea, because I'm sneaky, devious and smarter, and you will get no advance warning, when I decide to put a rat-trap in your locker.

Write Me Up

If you write me up
I will write you down,
I'll have your car followed
All over town.

If you call me to the front
I'll meet you in the back,
You better be ready
I just might attack.

If you have a complaint
Don't take it to the boss,
Keep it to yourself
And you'll suffer no loss.

If you write me up
And I retaliate,
Remember, I warned you
'Twas you, that sealed your fate.

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ _

And along similar lines, there is this option:

We'll Blame It On You

We'll blame it on you
When you're not here,
It's the easiest way
To get back at you, dear.

We'll blame it on you
That's the best way to do it,
You're not here, so we can
Say that you blew it.

Now, you may wonder why
We blame it all on you,
It's really quite simple
It's the petty thing to do.


Sunday, June 07, 2009

I was reminded (by me) regarding why I like to have a new assignment every day I work. Familiarity. I find that more mistakes are possible if I think I know everything that has been going on with Patient "X", if I took care of them 2 or more days. Sure, I know it makes the Nurse-to-Nurse report easier, and supposedly the patient and their family like to get to know "their nurse", however, I can assure you, families will let you know right away, if they NEVER want you as a Nurse, ever again. So, I guess that's familiarity in reverse.
the poem writing also brought out how we all know people (perhaps I'm one....) who talk too much about stuff that is private, or best kept at home, and certainly not aired in the workplace. So that's why I call this the:

The Privacy Store

Familiarity may breed contempt
I suspect you've heard this before,
Knowing another, more than is necessary
Can lead directly to the privacy store.

The place where precious secrets
Are hidden from prying eyes,
A place where hurts and insults
Can be found with accompanying cries.

Stuffed away incidents of injury
Long forgotten, and best filed away,
Might pop up in moments of vulnerability
If familiarity influences the play.

Some people keep their store open
Friendly and inviting, they'll share,
Every damn thing you can think of
Cluttering and polluting the air,
Innuendo, and other meaningless blather
Couched around an occasional thought,
As if we need to know all the details
Of the latest hot gadget they bought.

Oh familiarity, it presents kind of friendly
But as the details stack up it's a bore,
My advice to the public at large
Come on, won't you please lock your door.


Thursday, June 04, 2009

Every time there is a new paper on the restroom bulletin board, and it outlines a "flowchart", well good golly, it must be another "latest hot thing to do". Yup, that's a surefire countryfied guarantee!

Boxes and Arrows

Note the boxes and arrows
Some wide and some narrow
The emphasis, where asterisks lie,
Another awesome directive
For Nurses collective
The Pressure-Sore Flowchart, oh my!

It has every ingredient
To demand we're expedient
It describes what to do, when and how,
Make sure you do it right
If a pressure-sore is in sight,
Or surely, (you-know-who), will have a cow.

It's a Medicare didactic
To use threat as a tactic
To shift the cost of the problem to us,
And thus the panic doth fly
From those leaders up high,
And the workers bear the burden and fuss.

- - - - - - -

While those boxes and arrows
Were so orderly and neat,
The conditions and diseases
Causing sores, can't all be beat;

Thus, we pay through the nose
For the wounds that won't close,
[Medicare bean-counters are happy
They're not paying for those],
Some hospitals will go bankrupt
Then doors will close............

At last the boxes and arrows
And the occasional asterisk,
Will go the way of the dodo bird
And the old floppy disk,
Succumb to the vagaries
Of regulation and defrayal,
Another typical case
Of healthcare betrayal.